In his new autobiography, Daley talks about his difficult coming out to his grandparents
British diver – Gold medallist in Tokyo 2020 – Tom Daley has published his new autobiography ‘Coming Up for Air: What I Learned from Sport, Fame and Fatherhood’ (14 October 2021) in which he talks about himself in full detail, including coming out to his grandparents.
A difficult coming out, also because of the generation gap, as he himself said.
Grandma Rose and Grandpa Dink supported me enormously when I was growing up. They lived a few doors down from our first home in Derriford (Plymouth) and have been with me ever since, I know they were proud of my sporting success. Deep down, I thought it would be OK, but my heart was hammering as I drove down the road and knocked on their door. When we started chatting about everyday things, I just couldn’t talk about it. Eventually I took a deep breath and found the courage. At first I told them that the reason Dustin Lance Black was in Plymouth was because he wanted to make a documentary about me. It sounded like a good cover story. ” – Tom Daley continued in the story – ”You know Lance, he’s great, isn’t he?”, I began. “”Yes, Lance, he’s a handsome young man,” Grandma Rose replied. “‘Well, basically, Lance and I are having an affair,’ I said. ‘Of course you’re in a relationship. You’re doing a documentary together,’ she replied. ‘Er, no, not that kind of relationship. We’re in a two-way relationship.’ I couldn’t say ‘he’s my boyfriend’, or to be even clearer, ‘I’m gay’. “‘Of course you are,’ he replied. He just wasn’t getting it. I saw Grandpa in the corner, starting to cry. Grandpa wasn’t happy about it, and while Grandma was trying to be okay, she was just miserable. ‘Come on, Tom. Do you think this is natural! What would your father think?’ said Grandpa. ‘I felt so sad about their lack of acceptance. Our relationship became quite strained after that. Now I look back and realize that their initial reaction came about because they didn’t understand the existence of different sexual orientations, or because they didn’t know anyone else who was openly gay. But needless to say, it hurt me a lot. It also made me fear the reaction of the public. “If my grandparents have a hard time accepting me, what would other people say?”‘.
Coming out is never easy. In many cases, it turned out to be an act with dramatic consequences that ended up in the local news – even if most of these cases remained hidden – with stories of children being kicked out of the house because they were gay or lesbian, or brutally beaten because they were guilty of not being ‘normal’ and being the ‘shame’ of the family. Borderline situations that unfortunately happen more and more often, not forgetting episodes of homophobia by strangers, friends, and family members. Fortunately, little by little the new generations are becoming freer and free of mental cages.